Confidence to Self Confidence – Building Trust

There is something that makes little ones more self-confident. What? It's easy! Children need to know that we adults trust them. Sounds clichéd? And yet! It turns out that it's not that simple, easy or obvious.

Children need someone who believes that what they are going through and what they are experiencing is real. Not just someone who listens and then forgets about it, but someone who listens believes in you and who is next to you when you need them the most. They need an adult who doesn't judge, trivialize, or compare. 

Let us remember that every word of ours that diminishes the child's experiences ("Don't overdo it!", "Don't be silly!", "Why are you experiencing it like that!", "Others somehow don't have problems with it!" problem”), does not provide support and is not the basis for building trust. And without our faith in a child, there is no way that a child would have faith in their own selves.

Our trust builds the child's confidence in them. It is the foundation of confidence and faith in one's own abilities - so necessary at every stage of life and education.

Maria Montessori once said: "We should never help a child with a task that he can solve by himself." This is true!

Overprotection, which most often results from love and care, can be limiting, and in the child's mind it is perceived as a lack of trust on the part of an adult. When we take care of children, we limit the proper development of their self-confidence and faith in their own abilities, abilities and skills. The parent's, over-zealousness, excessive help, constant intervention and the desire to minimize even the smallest risk, lined with even the best intentions, do a lot of harm.

Why? We have already explained!

There is an area in the human brain called the amygdala. As part of the structures of the emotional brain, it is activated whenever an emergency occurs. The second important part of the brain is the frontal lobe, which is within the structure of the rational brain. In an emergency, the frontal brain is responsible for overcoming fear, activation and planning an action strategy.

How does this translate into everyday life?

Whenever a parent, seeing a potential risk of danger, reacts with terror and screams, the child's Amygdala takes over, and the focus controlled by the frontal lobe is completely disturbed. Consequently, the child only feels fear and a sense of threat. So you stop focusing on the task.

The emotions of an adult are transferred to the child, the risk increases, and learning to deal with stress on your own - quite the opposite.

So when there is no real threat to the child's life and health, and the risk is only potential, the child needs the parent's trust more than physical protection.

We - adults want to give our children the best. We want to protect against negative experiences. Meanwhile, it turns out that the best we can do for them is to give them room for independence.

The mechanism of action is simple, predictable and obvious. A child trusts its parents unconditionally. When they trust him, giving time and space for independent action, the child will learn that he can trust himself. It is the foundation for the self-confidence that children so badly need both at the start and in their adult lives.

And when the child feels good with himself, then he will learn to make the right decisions, accurately assess risks, deal with difficulties well and manage emotions in stressful situations. So he will quickly believe in himself.